If you could have a conversation with the person you used to be, your younger self, what would you say?
I would tell that little girl how beautiful she is. The world is her oyster and she can do and be anything that her mind conceives. I would also tell her that people will let her down, unintentionally and intentionally. No matter what, she shouldn't take it personally but learn from it. I would remind her of her strengths and tell her not to place as much emphasis on her shortcomings. I would tell her to be her biggest cheerleader because some days, it may not feel like there's anyone standing in the stadium of life.
I would tell her to be extremely kind and generous but to recognize when someone is trying to take advantage of her.
Know your worth, stand for something and never ignore your inner voice.
You are not to be used by anyone nor or you to use someone else. Know that you don't always have to win or be right.......because that's not life.
You won't always succeed and you'll make mistakes but learn to forgive yourself. Everyone fails at some point and makes mistakes along the way. Don't dwell on the failure(s) but keep the lessons near to your heart and never repeat it. Everyone makes mistakes. You won't be different. Move on and never get stuck in a mental rut.
A broken heart and a bruised knee will mend even though it seems as if it never will.
Be there for others as you would want others to be there for you. Remember the Golden rule and do onto others....
Don’t be so hard on yourself! No one else is!
It's okay to say goodbye to people. Some people are meant to be in your life for just a reason, some a season, some a lifetime. Once that is determined, it is okay to say goodbye.
Don't remain upset for too long. Life is just too short. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Honey, not everyone is like you so don't get mad when someone does something you would NEVER do to you. You are the only you.
Love yourself, treat yourself, and most of all enjoy your own company.
Life won't be easy but make your life count for something.
Some days will seem tough but don't worry, it always gets better.
If you have to question, "Is this really life??", you're not truly living. Make the appropriate changes.
You actually deserve to be happy. You do!!!!!!
Laugh heartily, wear that special dress that's in the closet, and love with all of your heart.
Trust your instincts. You're smarter and more knowledgeable than you give yourself credit.
You matter. You count and guess what, you rock!!
What advice would you give to the younger you?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Keep on moving
I know I tend to write about letting go a lot. No matter what I am talking about, the topic of letting go or the question of letting go tends to come up. When I encourage you to let go, I am not promoting stagnation nor am I recommending inaction. Please, let’s not get it twisted. I am simply asking that we raise our awareness of when something is working and when something is not. If there is a problem, rather WHEN there is a problem, you indisputably should try to develop a solution. Don't just sit there, thinking that the Lord and/or the universe is going to step in if you aren't doing anything. You might be waiting on a higher power when the higher power may be waiting on you to do something about your circumstances. When I say to let go, it is of those things that we've tried to change and like a bus stuck in a rut, the wheels keep turning yet the bus isn't going anywhere. When I say let go, it may be of someone who you want to be in your life but they have proven over and over again that they don't want to be there. When I say let go, it's of things or people that cause you nothing but confusion and unhappiness at times.
Letting go doesn't mean as soon as a problem arises, you throw your hands up in the air. No, no, no, no! You do all that you can but recognize when you cannot do anything else. You will be surprised at how serene you can be once you have the discernment to know when to continue, when to pause, and when to let go.
No matter what, keep on moving knowing that you truly are stronger than you believe you are. Most important, you are more than a conqueror.
Have a blessed day!!!
Letting go doesn't mean as soon as a problem arises, you throw your hands up in the air. No, no, no, no! You do all that you can but recognize when you cannot do anything else. You will be surprised at how serene you can be once you have the discernment to know when to continue, when to pause, and when to let go.
No matter what, keep on moving knowing that you truly are stronger than you believe you are. Most important, you are more than a conqueror.
Have a blessed day!!!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Simply Surrendering
I've come to a point in my life where I realize that you cannot put a price on peace. Peace of mind is a heaven of a thing! Peace is actually something that we all seek. Not being at peace can keep one up at night. It can be a reason for you to take your stress out on someone unintentionally. It can make you be extremely reactive, defensive, and in an emotional state where you feel extremely vulnerable. Not being at peace simply can rob you of being you - the person that you were created to be. I have made the conscious decision to choose peace in all that I do. When facing tough decisions, I will let peace be the determining factor. When put to the test in any way, shape or form, I will let peace be the deciding factor. Colossians 3:15 states "And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Within the past two months, I've simply surrendered. Surrendered in the sense that I've tried to live by the serenity prayer. Most important, asking God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference, as the prayer starts off. Letting go has not been easy for me as you can imagine. Is it easy for anyone? I've learned to accept that when I am frustrated, it is because I am not achieving the results that I strived for. The more I tried to change my circumstances and nothing moved, the more frustrated I would become. I would often ask myself, “Am I to continue trying different ways to change something or is what I am pursuing simply not for me?”. It's not an easy answer to derive at but I find that the more you push something that yields absolutely no results, the more it compromises your well being and state of mind. As human beings, it is natural to simply be frustrated when we think we are doing all that we can and then....NOTHING! However, I am at the point where if I enter this mental frustration, it's time to let go. Letting go for me means to continue to pray without ceasing, pressing the pause button on whatever I am doing that is clearly not working, and also to try to put it out of my mind and let go.
Last November, I encountered my first car accident. Someone rear ended me out of nowhere, damaging the back and left side of the car. As it was my first car accident, I was very unnerved and the damages were extensive. It wasn’t my fault but I was still shaken up. Once I got over that, I said a prayer for the person who hit me. Although, we both weren’t hurt, the police report indicated that she was 21 and was driving her mother’s car (uh-oh!) . Interestingly enough, the police report also indicated that she lived on the same block as me.
Anywhoo….
The following month, as I was driving to my second job, my car was catapulted from the right side of the street all the way to the left side of the street. I was not in control and everything happened so quickly that I was in a state of shock. The car finally came to a stop once it ran into four metal poles, with all of my glass and driver’s side car parts crashing into me. I just sat there. When I called 911, they asked if I was hurt and I had no idea. I was numb. I said, I don’t know. The police came and the car had to be towed away. I sat in his car and bawled. He tried to calm me down. Based on his assessment, the mall grounds were not maintained and my car lost control on the black ice on what is known as “Butterfly Hill.” As I was in his car, three other accidents were reported on the same grounds but all I could do was cry. I called my Mother and for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Both she and the Officer were telling me that I was lucky to make it out of that accident alive. The damages exceeded $11, 000. It took the Auto Shop one month to fix it and it took my mind to places it had nowhere going. I would ask myself, “What am I doing wrong????” How could it be that I never was in a car accident in my life and now find myself in a second one within a time span of 40 days??????????????? It blew my mind. What was I doing wrong? What was life trying to tell me? WHY???
In addition to asking the question of “the why”, I also was disappointed in the way my Managers reacted once I got to work. They seemed quite apathetic. To add to my state of confusion and disappointment, my insurance company refused to pursue the Mall for damages. They kept giving me the handbook response of, “In times of inclement weather, we expect our consumers to use their judgment and exercise discretion if and when driving. We, as your insurance company would be more than happy to accept full responsibility.”
It didn’t sit right with me because I almost lost my life. It may sound melodramatic but if you saw that car, you wouldn’t understand how I made it out without a scratch. I tried to tell the Office that maintains the mall grounds that I would be fighting this because they were negligent. If three accidents took place on the grounds while I was in the police man’s car for twenty minutes, I could only imagine the amount of accidents that took place that day. I went to the Police Department and to the Office that maintains the County records and obtained my police report and the number of incident reports that were filed within a certain time span on the same grounds. I would call my insurance company every day, provide any and every documentation that I could and I would still get the answer………., “In times of inclement weather, we expect our consumers to use their judgment and exercise discretion if and when driving. We, as your insurance company would be more than happy to accept full responsibility.” I kept calling and explaining, calling and explaining, calling and explaining. Did I mention that I called and I EXPLAINED????????? The last representative that I spoke to was clearly frustrated with my incessant pleas to look further into the situation. He told me and I quote, “No one told you to drive to the mall that day. It’s not as if you HAD to go to the mall.” I told him that I pray he never has to work a second job where he finds himself in an accident where his job neglected to maintain the same grounds one would travel. He got silent and then told me he “didn’t want to get into semantics.” After that response, I realized that battle was no longer mine. I had to let go. I was only frustrating myself because I perceived that I was wronged. In fact, my focus was in the wrong place. Yes, yes, I got into two car accidents but HELLO, did I not walk away twice untouched??? Shouldn’t I be in constant prayer thanking God for sparing me??? I mean I thanked God but I was so focused on “justice”, that I was driving myself crazy.
A month ago, I received an email from my insurance provider informing me that my insurance rate was increasing by $212 approximately. I submitted an email and inquired as to why it was increasing by that much. Someone responded and told me that it was due to my accident in December. I sighed upon reading it and then I said to myself, this increase comes to no surprise to God. HE will provide. I responded, telling the adjuster thank you but that I wanted him to know that I fought diligently for my insurance carrier to simply advocate on my behalf and I felt as if they failed me. I concluded that I would just pay what was being asked of me.
That was a month ago. Today, I received a phone call, telling me that the case was reviewed again and based on the number of accidents that took place on the grounds in that short period of time, I was not going to be found at fault. The Underwriter would be notified immediately. What an awesome GOD we serve??????? On, the bright said, I just saved some money on my car insurance.
SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s amazing what God can do when you stop meddling in HIS battles!!!!
Last November, I encountered my first car accident. Someone rear ended me out of nowhere, damaging the back and left side of the car. As it was my first car accident, I was very unnerved and the damages were extensive. It wasn’t my fault but I was still shaken up. Once I got over that, I said a prayer for the person who hit me. Although, we both weren’t hurt, the police report indicated that she was 21 and was driving her mother’s car (uh-oh!) . Interestingly enough, the police report also indicated that she lived on the same block as me.
Anywhoo….
The following month, as I was driving to my second job, my car was catapulted from the right side of the street all the way to the left side of the street. I was not in control and everything happened so quickly that I was in a state of shock. The car finally came to a stop once it ran into four metal poles, with all of my glass and driver’s side car parts crashing into me. I just sat there. When I called 911, they asked if I was hurt and I had no idea. I was numb. I said, I don’t know. The police came and the car had to be towed away. I sat in his car and bawled. He tried to calm me down. Based on his assessment, the mall grounds were not maintained and my car lost control on the black ice on what is known as “Butterfly Hill.” As I was in his car, three other accidents were reported on the same grounds but all I could do was cry. I called my Mother and for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Both she and the Officer were telling me that I was lucky to make it out of that accident alive. The damages exceeded $11, 000. It took the Auto Shop one month to fix it and it took my mind to places it had nowhere going. I would ask myself, “What am I doing wrong????” How could it be that I never was in a car accident in my life and now find myself in a second one within a time span of 40 days??????????????? It blew my mind. What was I doing wrong? What was life trying to tell me? WHY???
In addition to asking the question of “the why”, I also was disappointed in the way my Managers reacted once I got to work. They seemed quite apathetic. To add to my state of confusion and disappointment, my insurance company refused to pursue the Mall for damages. They kept giving me the handbook response of, “In times of inclement weather, we expect our consumers to use their judgment and exercise discretion if and when driving. We, as your insurance company would be more than happy to accept full responsibility.”
It didn’t sit right with me because I almost lost my life. It may sound melodramatic but if you saw that car, you wouldn’t understand how I made it out without a scratch. I tried to tell the Office that maintains the mall grounds that I would be fighting this because they were negligent. If three accidents took place on the grounds while I was in the police man’s car for twenty minutes, I could only imagine the amount of accidents that took place that day. I went to the Police Department and to the Office that maintains the County records and obtained my police report and the number of incident reports that were filed within a certain time span on the same grounds. I would call my insurance company every day, provide any and every documentation that I could and I would still get the answer………., “In times of inclement weather, we expect our consumers to use their judgment and exercise discretion if and when driving. We, as your insurance company would be more than happy to accept full responsibility.” I kept calling and explaining, calling and explaining, calling and explaining. Did I mention that I called and I EXPLAINED????????? The last representative that I spoke to was clearly frustrated with my incessant pleas to look further into the situation. He told me and I quote, “No one told you to drive to the mall that day. It’s not as if you HAD to go to the mall.” I told him that I pray he never has to work a second job where he finds himself in an accident where his job neglected to maintain the same grounds one would travel. He got silent and then told me he “didn’t want to get into semantics.” After that response, I realized that battle was no longer mine. I had to let go. I was only frustrating myself because I perceived that I was wronged. In fact, my focus was in the wrong place. Yes, yes, I got into two car accidents but HELLO, did I not walk away twice untouched??? Shouldn’t I be in constant prayer thanking God for sparing me??? I mean I thanked God but I was so focused on “justice”, that I was driving myself crazy.
A month ago, I received an email from my insurance provider informing me that my insurance rate was increasing by $212 approximately. I submitted an email and inquired as to why it was increasing by that much. Someone responded and told me that it was due to my accident in December. I sighed upon reading it and then I said to myself, this increase comes to no surprise to God. HE will provide. I responded, telling the adjuster thank you but that I wanted him to know that I fought diligently for my insurance carrier to simply advocate on my behalf and I felt as if they failed me. I concluded that I would just pay what was being asked of me.
That was a month ago. Today, I received a phone call, telling me that the case was reviewed again and based on the number of accidents that took place on the grounds in that short period of time, I was not going to be found at fault. The Underwriter would be notified immediately. What an awesome GOD we serve??????? On, the bright said, I just saved some money on my car insurance.
SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s amazing what God can do when you stop meddling in HIS battles!!!!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Making Changes
The other day, I came across this quote "Instead of wallowing in my misery, I just made some changes." The quote came from Stephanie Mills.
It automatically resonated with me because I know there are times when I want to give up, feel frustrated, or feel as if I'm at my wit's end. Ironically, I can quote a scripture and encourage the next person in their time of need very easily, almost too easily. Most times, I can tap into my faith and hope, knowing that everything will work out and there will be brighter days. I truly believe that no matter how dark it looks or how boisterous the storms, dawn will break and storms will cease in due time.
Romans 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. It doesn't say that everything that takes place in your life is supposed to be grand and great. No, no, no, but it does assure you that things, whether good or bad, collectively will come together to work in your favor. Today is one of those days where I have to encourage myself. I want to make certain changes but I truly want to make the right changes. I’ve been feeling this way for a while and as a result, I’ve been sitting still, “waiting.” Waiting for what one may ask? I would say I was waiting on the Lord as I want his direction. “But those who wait on the Lord, shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” Isn’t that what Isaiah 40 says? I’ve been waiting a while so maybe, just maybe, God is waiting on me to do something because clearly just waiting isn’t working anymore. HELLO! In the meantime, I know he will give me the strength (the strength to run when I want to sit, the strength to walk when I want to faint, just the strength to make it through!!!!) to endure until He feels that it’s time to step in.
The problem here is that I am human and imperfect. I, therefore, have no idea what the outcome will be, what my action(s) will result in, or if it is the right decision. I ultimately want to feel at peace with the change(s) that I make and trust that no matter the outcome, it'll be okay. Today, I'm thankful for those who are lifting me up in prayer. I also want to lift the discouraged, the confused, and those waiting on a breakthrough in prayer. I don't have all of the answers but I trust that whatever decision I make, God will be with me all the way. I will pray that if my change isn't in HIS will or for me, to shut the door(s) that I am trying to open. I boldly ask that doors be open that I may not realize are in my best interest. Most important, I trust that God, who knew me from my mother’s womb and predestined me, knew when I was going to make certain detours. I smile at the thought that HE holds the master plan and everything will work out just fine.
As I gaze out the window, I see the sun shining brightly. That in itself warms my heart as I know there is a season for everything. God’s willing, we will officially say goodbye to the winter, hello to Spring, and I cannot wait for Summer! I find solace in the fact that the “winter” in my mind is coming to an end. I say the winter in my mind because every battle I face only affects me if I allow it to affect me mentally. The bible says to guard your mind and I need to guard it carefully. Duly noted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you!"
* I repeat this as I mentally let go of what's been weighing on my heart and mind.*
I promise not to pick any of it back up!!! Promise me that you will do the same.
Peace and blessings to you all!!!!!!
It automatically resonated with me because I know there are times when I want to give up, feel frustrated, or feel as if I'm at my wit's end. Ironically, I can quote a scripture and encourage the next person in their time of need very easily, almost too easily. Most times, I can tap into my faith and hope, knowing that everything will work out and there will be brighter days. I truly believe that no matter how dark it looks or how boisterous the storms, dawn will break and storms will cease in due time.
Romans 8:28 says "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose. It doesn't say that everything that takes place in your life is supposed to be grand and great. No, no, no, but it does assure you that things, whether good or bad, collectively will come together to work in your favor. Today is one of those days where I have to encourage myself. I want to make certain changes but I truly want to make the right changes. I’ve been feeling this way for a while and as a result, I’ve been sitting still, “waiting.” Waiting for what one may ask? I would say I was waiting on the Lord as I want his direction. “But those who wait on the Lord, shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” Isn’t that what Isaiah 40 says? I’ve been waiting a while so maybe, just maybe, God is waiting on me to do something because clearly just waiting isn’t working anymore. HELLO! In the meantime, I know he will give me the strength (the strength to run when I want to sit, the strength to walk when I want to faint, just the strength to make it through!!!!) to endure until He feels that it’s time to step in.
The problem here is that I am human and imperfect. I, therefore, have no idea what the outcome will be, what my action(s) will result in, or if it is the right decision. I ultimately want to feel at peace with the change(s) that I make and trust that no matter the outcome, it'll be okay. Today, I'm thankful for those who are lifting me up in prayer. I also want to lift the discouraged, the confused, and those waiting on a breakthrough in prayer. I don't have all of the answers but I trust that whatever decision I make, God will be with me all the way. I will pray that if my change isn't in HIS will or for me, to shut the door(s) that I am trying to open. I boldly ask that doors be open that I may not realize are in my best interest. Most important, I trust that God, who knew me from my mother’s womb and predestined me, knew when I was going to make certain detours. I smile at the thought that HE holds the master plan and everything will work out just fine.
As I gaze out the window, I see the sun shining brightly. That in itself warms my heart as I know there is a season for everything. God’s willing, we will officially say goodbye to the winter, hello to Spring, and I cannot wait for Summer! I find solace in the fact that the “winter” in my mind is coming to an end. I say the winter in my mind because every battle I face only affects me if I allow it to affect me mentally. The bible says to guard your mind and I need to guard it carefully. Duly noted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you!"
* I repeat this as I mentally let go of what's been weighing on my heart and mind.*
I promise not to pick any of it back up!!! Promise me that you will do the same.
Peace and blessings to you all!!!!!!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Life is Not Picking on You
Within the past couple of months, at least five people have stated to me that they are depressed. No, that's not a large number but it's not typical that people just walk up to you and admit depression, either. It seems like a pervasive epidemic and I don't belive it's a silent one. We all hear the staggering statistics on the dependency on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs, and sleeping pills to cope through life. I have experienced depression before as I am sure everyone has. It's when you stay in that place, that it can become problematic. I truly believe that we weren't placed here to merely get by or survive. I don't know about you but I am here to thrive. I know life can knock the wind out of you sometimes. Trust, me. I can bear witness *raises hand*. But as I think about the times where I've felt as if I was in a negative or unhealthy mental space, the only conclusion that I can draw is that I enter that space when either things don't go the way I expected them to (often in an unfavorable manner) or I'm disappointed. I have to deduce that expectations play a very important role in the way we sometimes feel. Who promised you or me a rose garden? No one! Life has its ups and it certainly has its downs. As I was reflecting on life today, I realize that I shouldn't pray for a certain problem to go away, I shouldn't expect things to go as I would want them all of the time, and I certainly have to take the bad since clearly I want the good out of life. Instead of asking for my problems to go away, I will ask for the wisdom to take the necessary steps to develop a solution. Instead of expecting everything to go my way (yes, that's realistic *sarcastic voice), I have to learn to expect the unexpected. When things don't go my way, I have to learn to deal with it and also trust that whatever is happening in my life is ultimately for my benefit. Instead of wondering why me, why not ask myself, why not me? Would I rather my problem be served on the plate of someone else who could not carry that burden???? We have to go through trials. We have to experience pain and tribulations. It's not easy but without these unfavorable mountains in our lives, how can we ever grow? Some of my most burdensome trials taught me the most invaluable lessons. It strengthened me, it increased my faith, it gave me wisdom. It brought me closer to my purpose and loved ones. Today, I take the stance that if I don't like something about my life, I won't complain. Complaining won't rid me of my problem or issue. In fact, it will simply magnify my problem. I remember complaining about something two months ago and my boyfriend said to me, "Stop it. Life is not picking on you. Do you think life is out to get you?" It sounded so ridiculous that life was being personified as my bully that I laughed. I laughed but guess what comes to mind when I want to complain now. "STOP IT. WHAT? DO YOU THINK LIFE IS PICKING ON YOU? LIFE DIDN'T DECIDE TO JUST GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND GIVE YOU ALL OF THESE PROBLEMS. "
Everyone has problems but I also know that everyone has blessings. Which one will you focus on today?
Be blessed!
Everyone has problems but I also know that everyone has blessings. Which one will you focus on today?
Be blessed!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The guidance that I seek
As I mentioned previously, I was adversely affected by the economic downturn and the housing bubble. To date, I live in my own home and own a property in Queens, NY. To say that the last two years have been difficult would be an understatement. My tenants were extremely uncooperative (They were living there when I purchased the house). It was apparent that one had a great heart but simply mismanaged her finances and I would never receive the rent on time or the full amount. I saw that she was struggling and sickly so I tried my best to work with her. There came a point where I felt that enough was enough and an eviction seemed to be the best course of action.
The other tenant can be described as unreasonable, vindictive, and a person who truly believes that she is "getting over". I say this because she hasn't paid rent for approximately a year, yet she works and you see the fruits of her labor in her apartment as her clothes, shoes, and furniture scream ostentatious. It must be nice…………Initially, she claimed that she wasn't paying rent because I had to repair something. That was repaired and then she complained about something else. I told her I would get it fixed but when I called her back to make arrangements with her, she never picked up the phone. After a while, she stopped picking up her phone. I continued to call and one day was told that I shouldn't call anymore as the phone no longer belonged to "Simona".
One can rightfully deduce that I've been working two jobs to keep that house afloat. Whatever I earn is handed over to the bank.
The obvious question is why isn't she evicted? The laws of NYC are such where the tenant is protected most of the time. In addition, this is clearly a person without a conscience who uses every excuse under the book as to why she doesn't have to move. Although, I have tried my best to do so and have a lawyer to represent me, my case has been left unresolved for the past four months. I pray that I can make it to the next court appearance and justice will be served. So, "Simona" is living rent-free at someone's expense. I could be upset but why waste energy? It won't change anything. I have lost sleep about this in the past because it is extremely draining but I try to cast my cares onto the Lord. "The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked; but He blesses the home of the just." {Proverbs 3:33}"Simona" may be living the life now as she doesn't have to pay living expenses but I truly believe that one reaps what they sew. I also have not been able to rent the other space (which is now vacant) because when the workers are there to make the necessary repairs, "Simona" turns off the circuit breaker so no work can go on. The police have been called but because I am not in the area, she simply returns to her antics upon their departure. I now have a limited power of attorney to make sure that this doesn't happen but I've been told that she's tried to run over his foot, has cursed at him, and it simply hasn't been pretty. This woman is simply unreasonable but I try, try being the operative word, to not let her get to me. I also know that even though life isn't fair, God is.
What am I to do? I pray for wisdom and wisdom liberally. I pray for strength, a forgiving heart, the ability to keep on moving in spite of how people's actions affect me. It's still been a treacherous road. I see my family three times a year, if I am that lucky. I see friends on such limited occasions that most neglect to invite me anywhere because the assumption is that I am busy. At times, I am simply exhausted, weary, and wonder if I can go on.
I’ve tried to sell the house via the traditional means, do a short sale, and modify the loan. To date, I haven’t been able to sell the house and in order to do anything else, I’ve been told that I have to default on the mortgage at least for four months. That is something that I struggle with. Am I living the life of my dreams? No, but wouldn’t it be dishonorable to not pay the bank when I have an agreement with them even though they don’t want to work with me when I am clearly doing my best and don’t want to compromise my credit?
This brings me to my dilemma. What am I to do? Again, I ask, what am I to do??????????? I’ve mulled over my options, I’ve reflected on my motives when purchasing the house, I’ve simply done a lot of soul searching. I have learned a lot on this journey. I made a mistake and I am paying for it. I am thankful that grace and mercy renews each day.
Does God want me to walk away as it’s been mentally distressing and at times, has compromised my quality of life? God isn’t the author of confusion so if I walk away, am I not choosing peace and the ability to live life and such abundantly? If I stay, am I choosing to remain in a state of disarray and unrest?
Does God want me to endure like a good soldier, trusting in HIM, that he can change things around in the blink of an eye? As I have the faith of a mustard seed, can I not say move to this “mountain” in my life and it be moved?
The sad thing is I don’t know the answer. I pray and I ask that I receive a word that shows me what path I should take. If I am to walk away, I will walk away. If I am to endure, I will endure. I know that God is a faithful God and I humbly and patiently wait for him to direct my path.
Praying as we speak,
R. Rowe
Friday, March 4, 2011
The past
As I've stated before, I've become better at saying goodbye to people who no longer need to be present in my life. I know when someone's season has expired. Although, I am at this place mentally, it seems as if the past continues to knock on my door. I truly believe I make it clear to those who no longer serve a purpose in my life but a few tend to not seem to get it or don't want to get it. A part of me wonders if it's because they don't recognize that I am mature and stand strong in my convictions or if they feel like they need to make peace with me. Interestingly enough, I harbor no ill feelings towards any of these people. I don't want to rob them of peace (if that is the goal). I simply don't want my past to rob me of my future. Do I think of any of these people from time to time? Sure, not often but I would say yes. Would I want to invite them back into my life? Definitely not! Who wants to invite trouble, confusion, unrest, and whatever drama was present prior to me closing that chapter? Moving forward, when I don't know if someone is meant to be in my life, I evaluate the relationship and how it makes me feel. If I don't feel love, at peace, clear-headed, then I know it's time for them to go. If peace, love, and joy, isn't apart of my relationship or friendship, I say goodbye. Today, let peace, joy, and love determine who you keep around you. Don't keep people in your life who drain you and keep you in a negative mental space. You don't want to allow people to weigh you down when God is trying to lift you up!!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Job dissatisfaction
Everyone that I speak to of late is extremely dissatisfied with their job or how things are evolving on the job. To many, it is apparent that many Managers have adopted this attitude that employees should be happy with the fact that they still have a job. Many employees find themselves doing the work that used to be the workload that three people would assume. To many, the working environment has become demoralizing, leaving them discontented, dissatisfied, and unfulfilled. I believe that the state of the economy is temporary. My advice to anyone who finds that they feel a sense of unrest and unhappiness on the job is to continue to be the best you that you can be. Produce your best work even though you don’t feel like it. Give it your all, for you. You will find that you will gain more by doing so than doing the bare minimum even though your work environment promotes otherwise. Do your best and I believe from the bottom of my heart that you will be in awe of all that you can and will accomplish. Whatever you learn, change, or implement as a result will enhance your resume and may prepare you for the job that you really want but you may not be adequately prepared for that “dream job” now. So, if you are dissatisfied on the job today, rest assured that you are “in training” for the best job tomorrow. Continue to look for other jobs, develop a portfolio showcasing your accomplishments, and again, put forth your best foot in all that you do. Your Manager may not have your best interest at heart nor take your concerns into consideration. Life is not fair but I know God is. Be your best and leave the rest to God.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Being able to say goodbye
A couple of years ago, I dated a very charming young man. In the beginning, things seem to be surreal. Everything was wonderful. We seemed to be really into each other. His family loved me, and I was surprised that I found someone with such wonderful qualities. I must interrupt by stating that time truly reveals a lot. In my case, it revealed who this person truly was. In what seemed like a span of a month, this person changed dramatically, and was nothing like the person I met and was beginning to fall for. Now, did this person really change or did time slowly unravel the facade? I would like to assert here that it is definitely the latter. People can only put up a facade but for so long. They often show you who they are or tell you, in subtle or not-so-subtle ways. When they do so, it is up to you to believe them. When we "broke up", I truly felt broken. I was hurt by the sequence of events that took place, none of which I saw coming. As I look back, I really should not have been that surprised. Signs of who he truly was and what was to come were there all along. For multiple reasons, I ignored them. Why? 1. I tend to see the best in people. Is that a bad quality? Not necessarily but when you ignore what can hurt you, it is to your detriment. 2. I wanted to believe that he was a great guy. I really liked him and wanted to believe in the facade. I was deeply “in like” with the façade. 3. I don't believe at that time, I truly knew my worth. I thought I did at the time, of course, but looking back, I did not.
We agreed to be friends but apparently, he wanted to be more than friends. Are you confused? Well, so was I. He wanted the benefits of being in a relationship but he didn't want to be with me. He didn’t state this (he’s not that crazy) but his actions said it all. I was extremely upset. To me, that was a slap in the face. I know for a fact I never gave him any reason to believe that that would be okay with me. Clearly, he has dated females who don't value who they are. I also was disappointed that I totally missed the mark on who I thought this guy was.
One thing, I've never been truly good at is saying goodbye to people when I need to. I must have grown up a lot during the time that we were together because it was obvious that I could no longer be a part of his life. It was a chapter in my life that would come to an end but I learned a lot from him and the relationship. Although, I don't see a reason for us to speak, I will forever be thankful to him for those lessons.
When someone wants to leave, let them. When someone's actions show you that they don't want to be with you, let them go. It will hurt but trust me, the pain will be temporary. I now know what I am willing to accept and not accept from a man. I know that I don’t need anyone’s approval. I know my value and know that I don’t have to settle for less. I know when to say goodbye. Today, I encourage you to let go of the past or anything that is not contributing to your happiness. One thing you must do is to keep the lessons that you’ve learnt close to you at all times. Be blessed and know that some people are in your life for a reason. Some, for a season, and some, for a lifetime. Know when to say goodbye. Not everyone is supposed to stay in your life even when you want them to be there.
A season
by R. Rowe
We agreed to be friends but apparently, he wanted to be more than friends. Are you confused? Well, so was I. He wanted the benefits of being in a relationship but he didn't want to be with me. He didn’t state this (he’s not that crazy) but his actions said it all. I was extremely upset. To me, that was a slap in the face. I know for a fact I never gave him any reason to believe that that would be okay with me. Clearly, he has dated females who don't value who they are. I also was disappointed that I totally missed the mark on who I thought this guy was.
One thing, I've never been truly good at is saying goodbye to people when I need to. I must have grown up a lot during the time that we were together because it was obvious that I could no longer be a part of his life. It was a chapter in my life that would come to an end but I learned a lot from him and the relationship. Although, I don't see a reason for us to speak, I will forever be thankful to him for those lessons.
When someone wants to leave, let them. When someone's actions show you that they don't want to be with you, let them go. It will hurt but trust me, the pain will be temporary. I now know what I am willing to accept and not accept from a man. I know that I don’t need anyone’s approval. I know my value and know that I don’t have to settle for less. I know when to say goodbye. Today, I encourage you to let go of the past or anything that is not contributing to your happiness. One thing you must do is to keep the lessons that you’ve learnt close to you at all times. Be blessed and know that some people are in your life for a reason. Some, for a season, and some, for a lifetime. Know when to say goodbye. Not everyone is supposed to stay in your life even when you want them to be there.
A season
by R. Rowe
Give me this pen so I can speak my mind
I haven’t written in a while. Yes, it’s been some time
A couple of things have taken place from the last we spoke
My life has changed, for the better of course
I’m closer to God. He is the man
I know I am his. I am in the palm of his hands
Remember that abusive situation that I was in?
Yes, the one that seemed it would never end!
It's over and done with, to God be the Glory
I don't even know where to begin with this story
God brought an angel of mine into my life
He replaced joy where there seemed to be strife
This angel enriched my life in many ways
The memories we had, will be with me always
Angel, let’s call him, helped me to enlarge my vision
He supported me in everything. He was there when I needed him
He lifted me up when I was down
He always encouraged me. He didn't like to see me frown.
He opened my eyes to the bigger picture
He highlighted my value and pushed me further
This angel came into my life for a season
He made my world better.
God placed him there for a reason.
Our time expired and I had to bid goodbye
But my appreciation will never die
One day in the future, we may meet again
To this angel, I will call my friend
He served a purpose and now he is gone
Now it’s time for me to move on
The world’s my oyster. I have my wings.
God removed the angel because I was too dependent on him
I have my own wings and God knows it’s my time to soar
Now I know that. I am woman. Hear me ROAR!
I haven’t written in a while. Yes, it’s been some time
A couple of things have taken place from the last we spoke
My life has changed, for the better of course
I’m closer to God. He is the man
I know I am his. I am in the palm of his hands
Remember that abusive situation that I was in?
Yes, the one that seemed it would never end!
It's over and done with, to God be the Glory
I don't even know where to begin with this story
God brought an angel of mine into my life
He replaced joy where there seemed to be strife
This angel enriched my life in many ways
The memories we had, will be with me always
Angel, let’s call him, helped me to enlarge my vision
He supported me in everything. He was there when I needed him
He lifted me up when I was down
He always encouraged me. He didn't like to see me frown.
He opened my eyes to the bigger picture
He highlighted my value and pushed me further
This angel came into my life for a season
He made my world better.
God placed him there for a reason.
Our time expired and I had to bid goodbye
But my appreciation will never die
One day in the future, we may meet again
To this angel, I will call my friend
He served a purpose and now he is gone
Now it’s time for me to move on
The world’s my oyster. I have my wings.
God removed the angel because I was too dependent on him
I have my own wings and God knows it’s my time to soar
Now I know that. I am woman. Hear me ROAR!
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