I've come to a point in my life where I realize that you cannot put a price on peace. Peace of mind is a heaven of a thing! Peace is actually something that we all seek. Not being at peace can keep one up at night. It can be a reason for you to take your stress out on someone unintentionally. It can make you be extremely reactive, defensive, and in an emotional state where you feel extremely vulnerable. Not being at peace simply can rob you of being you - the person that you were created to be. I have made the conscious decision to choose peace in all that I do. When facing tough decisions, I will let peace be the determining factor. When put to the test in any way, shape or form, I will let peace be the deciding factor. Colossians 3:15 states "And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Within the past two months, I've simply surrendered. Surrendered in the sense that I've tried to live by the serenity prayer. Most important, asking God to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference, as the prayer starts off. Letting go has not been easy for me as you can imagine. Is it easy for anyone? I've learned to accept that when I am frustrated, it is because I am not achieving the results that I strived for. The more I tried to change my circumstances and nothing moved, the more frustrated I would become. I would often ask myself, “Am I to continue trying different ways to change something or is what I am pursuing simply not for me?”. It's not an easy answer to derive at but I find that the more you push something that yields absolutely no results, the more it compromises your well being and state of mind. As human beings, it is natural to simply be frustrated when we think we are doing all that we can and then....NOTHING! However, I am at the point where if I enter this mental frustration, it's time to let go. Letting go for me means to continue to pray without ceasing, pressing the pause button on whatever I am doing that is clearly not working, and also to try to put it out of my mind and let go.
Last November, I encountered my first car accident. Someone rear ended me out of nowhere, damaging the back and left side of the car. As it was my first car accident, I was very unnerved and the damages were extensive. It wasn’t my fault but I was still shaken up. Once I got over that, I said a prayer for the person who hit me. Although, we both weren’t hurt, the police report indicated that she was 21 and was driving her mother’s car (uh-oh!) . Interestingly enough, the police report also indicated that she lived on the same block as me.
Anywhoo….
The following month, as I was driving to my second job, my car was catapulted from the right side of the street all the way to the left side of the street. I was not in control and everything happened so quickly that I was in a state of shock. The car finally came to a stop once it ran into four metal poles, with all of my glass and driver’s side car parts crashing into me. I just sat there. When I called 911, they asked if I was hurt and I had no idea. I was numb. I said, I don’t know. The police came and the car had to be towed away. I sat in his car and bawled. He tried to calm me down. Based on his assessment, the mall grounds were not maintained and my car lost control on the black ice on what is known as “Butterfly Hill.” As I was in his car, three other accidents were reported on the same grounds but all I could do was cry. I called my Mother and for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Both she and the Officer were telling me that I was lucky to make it out of that accident alive. The damages exceeded $11, 000. It took the Auto Shop one month to fix it and it took my mind to places it had nowhere going. I would ask myself, “What am I doing wrong????” How could it be that I never was in a car accident in my life and now find myself in a second one within a time span of 40 days??????????????? It blew my mind. What was I doing wrong? What was life trying to tell me? WHY???
In addition to asking the question of “the why”, I also was disappointed in the way my Managers reacted once I got to work. They seemed quite apathetic. To add to my state of confusion and disappointment, my insurance company refused to pursue the Mall for damages. They kept giving me the handbook response of, “In times of inclement weather, we expect our consumers to use their judgment and exercise discretion if and when driving. We, as your insurance company would be more than happy to accept full responsibility.”
It didn’t sit right with me because I almost lost my life. It may sound melodramatic but if you saw that car, you wouldn’t understand how I made it out without a scratch. I tried to tell the Office that maintains the mall grounds that I would be fighting this because they were negligent. If three accidents took place on the grounds while I was in the police man’s car for twenty minutes, I could only imagine the amount of accidents that took place that day. I went to the Police Department and to the Office that maintains the County records and obtained my police report and the number of incident reports that were filed within a certain time span on the same grounds. I would call my insurance company every day, provide any and every documentation that I could and I would still get the answer………., “In times of inclement weather, we expect our consumers to use their judgment and exercise discretion if and when driving. We, as your insurance company would be more than happy to accept full responsibility.” I kept calling and explaining, calling and explaining, calling and explaining. Did I mention that I called and I EXPLAINED????????? The last representative that I spoke to was clearly frustrated with my incessant pleas to look further into the situation. He told me and I quote, “No one told you to drive to the mall that day. It’s not as if you HAD to go to the mall.” I told him that I pray he never has to work a second job where he finds himself in an accident where his job neglected to maintain the same grounds one would travel. He got silent and then told me he “didn’t want to get into semantics.” After that response, I realized that battle was no longer mine. I had to let go. I was only frustrating myself because I perceived that I was wronged. In fact, my focus was in the wrong place. Yes, yes, I got into two car accidents but HELLO, did I not walk away twice untouched??? Shouldn’t I be in constant prayer thanking God for sparing me??? I mean I thanked God but I was so focused on “justice”, that I was driving myself crazy.
A month ago, I received an email from my insurance provider informing me that my insurance rate was increasing by $212 approximately. I submitted an email and inquired as to why it was increasing by that much. Someone responded and told me that it was due to my accident in December. I sighed upon reading it and then I said to myself, this increase comes to no surprise to God. HE will provide. I responded, telling the adjuster thank you but that I wanted him to know that I fought diligently for my insurance carrier to simply advocate on my behalf and I felt as if they failed me. I concluded that I would just pay what was being asked of me.
That was a month ago. Today, I received a phone call, telling me that the case was reviewed again and based on the number of accidents that took place on the grounds in that short period of time, I was not going to be found at fault. The Underwriter would be notified immediately. What an awesome GOD we serve??????? On, the bright said, I just saved some money on my car insurance.
SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s amazing what God can do when you stop meddling in HIS battles!!!!
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